A life in Limbo

When I was released from the police station I was put on Bail under investigation. These restrictions were given to me because the police thought that I was a flight risk, as I had been living in another country.

My main restrictions are:

• Surrender the passport, for obvious reasons they didn't want to let me travel to other countries because I already had contacts. For a person who travelled several times a year to different countries and enjoyed the freedom of different lifestyles, I have found this particularly difficult.
• Reporting new electrical devices, I need a photo of all of the devices details and send them to my arresting officer.
• No deleting of information, it is amazing how many messages, emails, unnecessary photos (from work and friends). On a lot of the social media sites people can now erase messages, when this happens I have to take a screen shot and send it to go on my records.
• Lots of internet companies, automatically change your personal settings, when they do updates, these quite often involve how long to keep history for, automatic deletion of unused accounts. I am not very wise when it comes to settings, it is easier to click accept without reading all of the changes.
• Surprise visits, the arresting officer can come to your house whenever they want to check your devices, this can take several hours and if you are paranoid about your neighbours, it can be worrying having two vehicles turn up early in the morning to do the checks.
• Address, I have to sleep at the address on the bail documents every night and if I want to go somewhere else, I have to inform the arresting officer, with the address, I will be staying at.
• Cannot work with under 18's or vulnerable people, I understand why but I had to change my life and when you are looking for jobs. AI looks at your C.V. and sends out relevant job descriptions to do with your experience.

These restrictions at the beginning were difficult to live with but now, I have am aware that I have to plan breaks away more in advance and also, I can not belong to certain group chats because the administrator of the group has chosen an automatic deletion  after a certain time period, at first I found it difficult not to join groups and in some places like work, it is expected for people to join these groups, so information is shared easier.

But on the positive side, I have been able to get on with life and improve my well being before the end of the investigation.

About a month after my arrest, I was feeling very low and decided that I needed a job just to take my mind of the current problems, I couldn't think about the future (I still hadn't let go of my old life). 

I applied for a local pub job in a national high street pub chain, in the kitchen because I'd had some previous experience. I signed the contract without reading and said that I had no criminal record and also as it turns out any arrests (don't recall seeing this when I signed it).

I worked for this company for twenty months without missing a day, was flexible about my availability. Working in a busy kitchen can be a bit stressful, at the beginning it gave me a way off escaping from my every day life.

The longer I worked for them, the better I started to feel and I made several friends, there was a possibility of promotion, so I spoke to my manager and explained my situation about the investigation and  the court case. They explained that obviously they had to speak to their manager and inform them of my charges.

Within a week of this conversation, I was asked to attend an investigation interview and a few days later I was suspended from the job due to further investigations. This came as a bit of a shock, I was invited to a disciplinary hearing and I explained my case and the company told me that I hadn't informed them of my arrest and that I was in breach of my contract. I asked them what would have happened if I had ticked yes, they told me the company procedure, which is the manager would speak to head office and get advice and then make a decision on whether they should employ me. ( I got the feeling that I wouldn't have started working there)

I am grateful that I had that extra period to rebuild my life. Despite this I felt a bit annoyed at the company, I had worked hard and was reliable unlike some of the other employees, was always willing to go in at short notice when somebody was sick. I decided to appeal my decision, During this disciplinary hearing I asked if they were aware of how the courts worked, how the sex offenders register worked and how likely it was that my past would come out. I told them about a national programme of ban the box, which encourages companies to not ask questions about criminal past, they didn't know about this. However, the person holding the interview said that it didn't matter because they never carry out CRBs because it was too expensive. It worked on trust, so the person who has been arrested or been convicted should tell the employer about their past but the employer wouldn't want to employ them because they have to think about all of the employees. The fact that the more people that knew the more difficult it would be to keep the situation quiet.

Now I am unemployed, looking for jobs that don't require a CRB, I am happy that I have had more time to look at what I'd like to do in the future, like this web page and help other people understand their own behaviour.

But I am still a little annoyed because if I hadn't of been honest I could have carried on working in the kitchen possibly until I retired in about 15 years and I would still have these friends around me but I didn't like living a life where one day I might loose  the job and the fact that I'd have to start from scratch.

Since my arrest I have told some people about what happened and how my life has changed these are both old (before the arrest) and new friends  Not knowing what is going to happen with regards to the court case and my work, I find it difficult to get too committed to people because things can change very quickly.

Since doing my courses, I now understand my own emotions better and can now feel empathy towards others and can realise how the other person is feeling. This was something that I never had and the friendships have been far better for it.

So although at times, I feel sad that some friends may go because you no longer have things in common. I am pleased that I can experience sad feelings without having to drink (coming up to two years) or not going into my fantasy world (27th June 2023).

Last but certainly not least.

Since my arret I have spoken to several people and I wanted a sense of inner peace, I was told unsurprisingly from a vicar that this would come with knowing God, at the time I wasn't convinced.

I have got closer with God and I can speak to him about what is happening in my life, this removes some of the pressures that people put on themselves. I have asked for forgiveness for the things that I did in the past and through the bible and talking to other fellow Christians, I have got a greater sense of right and wrong , I have forgiven myself for the harm that I have caused my family and my old friends, the ones I still talk to and those that have found it difficult to understand for whatever reason. I also find that I can connect with people better, less judgemental, more understanding of the power that the mind has over you.

The greatest thing about my faith is that although I have messed things up I know that He has forgiven me and that I feel better about my future knowing that there is a plan, it may not be easy but I have the strength to get through this period of limbo and this time hasn't been wasted.